He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
