How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
another moral hangover. fuck.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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