So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
