it hurts more in the daytime
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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