Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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