And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
