I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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