something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
