i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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