I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
