I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They took my balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
