sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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