ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
