He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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