I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
