I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
