you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
