WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
