He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
