Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
