i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im holly from the hills drunk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
