My first STD was from a foam party
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
