i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you didnt know i had herpes?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
