Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
