There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
