Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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