I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
