Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
