We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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