I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
