Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
