My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
