Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
