dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
