She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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