Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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