Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
