if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
