I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
