Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
