i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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