just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
