I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
