Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
