as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
