matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
