Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up under a house in Key West
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
