Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
