Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
