she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
