I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
