trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
