But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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