Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
