i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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