tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
