well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Houston, we have a squirter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
