loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
