carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
