quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
