Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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