i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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