I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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