Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
