you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
