How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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