Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
